Tips for Parents

Adult rela­tion­ships

The father has to love the child

It is quite nor­mal for a father to love his child.

But does the father know how to love the child? There are some who fall under this cat­e­gory and some who fall short of the expec­ta­tions required of father­hood. This piece is not meant for them. Being humans it is quite pos­si­ble to give the child less love than what he or she deserves.

In all lan­guages ‘love’ is the word that is most in cir­cu­la­tion. It is also the most abused words amongst all the tongues. We are used to say­ing that we love some­one and yet con­tinue to neglect that per­son. The per­son to whom such a treat­ment is meted out inevitably knows the hol­low­ness and hypocrisy of the words “I love you!”

Yet – for human beings love is the most edi­fy­ing word embody­ing a virtue that is par excel­lence. Love at its core goes above all bar­ri­ers related to lan­guage, race and nation. Strangely – in the name of love have been com­mit­ted many cruel and unkind actions. There is no point in look­ing around and point­ing it out with accus­ing fin­gers. The best is self analy­sis and see it through the eyes of an inno­cent child that is capa­ble of rec­og­niz­ing the gen­uine qual­ity of love.

It is very com­mon for fathers to lace their words with ‘honey’ and then put off a request on the plea of being busy. Many have been guilty of this. It is true how­ever that life has so many press­ing demands that one has to com­plete the task at hand before giv­ing atten­tion elsewhere.

But if required it is expected of father to drop the work at hand and attend to the child. Oth­er­wise a time will come when the child will never come up with such a request. The father would then have missed out one of the most poignant moments in the life of par­ent and child. Once it is gone it van­ishes for­ever. Although it is true that time taken away from the child could bring in mil­lions but the loss of love of the lit­tle one can never be counted in mon­e­tary figures.

Gen­uine love can never be a mat­ter of con­ve­nience. It is a mat­ter of con­ve­nience to say that one will give atten­tion to the child only after the work has been done. It is not love. It may be to the par­ent but not to the child who is for­ever waiting.

This poses the ques­tion as to whether one should be at the beck and call of the child. The mat­ter can­not be reduced to that option. Only the father can decide. After return­ing home tired from a busy day the father hits the sofa, browses through the papers or makes a grab for the tele­vi­sion remote. It is nat­ural then for the child to be closer to the mother. It is not sur­pris­ing there­fore when when later on the father com­plains of lack of obe­di­ence and inter­est in the child.

The child repeat­edly asks father hun­dred and one ques­tions that appar­ently seem inco­her­ent. But when no answer is forth­com­ing the child starts to find out inde­pen­dently. The image of the father begins to fade.

Fathers should do some intro­spect­ing and go back to the time when they were chil­dren. It will help him to under­stand what is wrong or right with the teenage child. What is sown today is reaped tomor­row. The child has to be loved and this love must be expressed in more ways than by words. With the flow­ing pas­sage of time the infant becomes the child and the child a man.

Each devel­op­ing stage is some­thing spe­cial and unique. It will never come back again. There is no going back and regret­ting. It might be too late. One has to be part of the life of the child right from today. If this is done by the time the child reaches its teen years a solid bond would already have been founded. So being a good father or not depends on the par­ent and none else.